So, you wake up hung-over. Mary-Kate’s show really showed you the ringer. You’re emotionally, physically, and mentally drained. It’s now Saturday. You want to die…

That’s too bad. Get a Gatorade; eat some chicken fingers, and toughen the fuck up. It’s B.A. JOHNSTON day! …What does that mean exactly? It means you have to live exactly like him, and if you don’t know what that means, I pity you.

If you haven’t heard of or seen B.A. Johnston yet, you need to leave Peterborough. Get the first GO bus to that swamp they call Oshawa (its my hometown, I can say this), and shack up outside the Genosha for a few days to learn your lesson. Alternatively, you can go to B.A. Johnston’s new album release event. It’s really a simple choice.

B.A. Johnston is the working-man’s musician, in that he works and is a man. He is the student’s musician, in that he used to go to Trent. He tours all the time, from here to Hamilton and back. In his words, “B.A. Johnston is the same guy he has always been, just fatter, more tired and more disillusioned. I will probably just continue to be the same. I am too old to change or follow/care about anything new.” He is truly a stable reference point in this world gone mad.

His new album is titled Gremlins 3. The official press release (fancy!) states that, “The album title came from B.A.’s desire to be sued by someone famous.”

This is B.A.’s 11th studio album. The release states that, “It treads familiar territory with songs about cheap beer, drinking beer in a car, and drinking so much beer that you are worried you will fall out of a canoe and drown. In an effort to branch out and tackle the serious issues of today, there is also a song about being high at work in a Foodland.”

His sound isn’t really a sound at all, it’s a feeling. Although that sounds poetic, what I really mean is that B.A. Johnston’s music is sweaty. You know that feeling you get when it’s summer, and you’re really sweaty, but you have no deodorant, and you have to go work a shitty service job. It’s that feeling. B.A. once told me that he has no influences because, “…I lack the skill to actually play an instrument well enough to rip anyone off.” His sound is poppy and gritty. He plays loose rock songs about terrible life experiences.

But it’s B.A.’s live show that brings it all into form. He layers up so that the sweat collects in all the right spots, and then he starts tearing off all of his clothes. He pours beer on himself, and tells terrible jokes about how very shitty Lindsey is. He chugs Labatt 50 and Red Sourpuss. Beer ends up in every orifice. It’s the most beautiful thing that a grown man can do. You’ll live covered in various liquids, but you won’t mind. B.A.’s liquids are the best.

Opening for B.A. are two Peterborough bands making heavy noise in the local scene.

The White Crowleys are the first item on the bill. They are former Peterborough Battle of the Band winners, and a band interviewed previously by Arthur Newspaper. Their sound is psychedelic. It contains surf-punk vibes and shoegaze-y landscapes. With a newly added synth, and their move to focus “predominantly on writing new songs, thinking on music video ideas, and artwork,” it will be interesting to see how their sound has changed. They have an EP in the works, and will be debuting some new tunes at the B.A. show. With the first opener, you, listener, are gonna be in for a treat.

The second and final act of the night before B.A., is… wait for it…

The Lonely Parade.

This band has been making waves in Peterborough and beyond (especially beyond!). They recently announced that they will be playing the Iceland Airwaves Festival. Their latest album is titled, No Shade, and can be found online for cheap. Their sound is jazzy, but filled with angst. They attack domination and subvert bullshit. They are a three-piece act, but their sound resonates with the clanging of pots and pans.

So get out there! See this show before all three acts get too big to frequent sketchy Peterborough bars.

As the press release says, “This could very well be B.A.’s swan song. Honestly, it’s 50/50. As minimum wage has now crossed the $10.00 mark, B.A. could quit this crap and start making tens of dollars doing something with dignity. Maybe work at a Giant Tiger or something.”