Trent Radio Horoscopes

All shows broadcast through the facilities of Trent Radio 92.7 FM CFFF in Peterborough.

Aquarius: Two if by sea, but one if by email. Check your inbox in the coming days for a correspondence from a person long forgotten. You may find that a conversation you had was not what it seemed. Your lucky number is blue.
Perhaps to put this all into perspective you should tune in to Trent Radio 92.7 FM and listen to Trent Writers Today, with hosts Sarah McDonald and Mercedez Nucaro, Tuesdays 6:30p.m. until 7p.m.

Pisces: Lately your jokes have been falling flat. Think of diversifying your armoury of humour. There is more to getting a giggle than a bad pun about a body part. Your lucky number is Dennis. For this reason you should listen in to Insert Coins to Continue Listening, a celebration of video games with host Zach Muto, Thursdays 7:30p.m. until 8p.m.

Aries: They say it couldn’t be done, but you went ahead and did it anyway. You…jerk. Now you’ve just made everyone look bad, doing the impossible. Sure, the job’s done, but was it worth it? If you want to relive this episode, listen to Trent Time Alternative, with host Josh White, Wednesdays 2:30p.m. until 3p.m., and explore the years anew.

Taurus: Some say you are too robotic. Maybe it’s the robot voice you affect, maybe it’s that you walk stiffly, or perhaps just that you are slowly replacing your body with robot parts. To the haters just say: does not compute.

You are still a true and stalwart friend, none can deny. Love will find you on a Thursday, maybe when you’re listening to The Vocal Fry(ing) Pan, with hosts Esprit LeCunff & Rebecca Azzaro, a celebration of strange and interesting voices in music and beyond each Thursday at 1p.m. until 2p.m.

Gemini: There is no richer bounty on this earth than a fine shampoo. Do not neglect your hair; it can turn into a tangled web. Perhaps you’ve only come to realize it recently, but…your hair never liked you. Not one bit.

If it weren’t on your head, it would be off and away for a career in Hollywood. Do the best you can together, shampoo regularly and listen to Homegrown: Celebrating Canadian Roots Music, with host Sarah Milner, every Thursday from 9p.m. until 10p.m.

Cancer: Tone down your looks to avoid unnecessary attention. Sure, you get the occasional “Damn, you’re so attractive”, but do you really want this to escalate? You’re entering your “pretty cycle”, Cancer, where every glance and eye-bat from you will attract admirers. If you are not careful you could be swallowed in a sea of adoration. Your lucky number is threesome. For perhaps more on this, listen to Hit and Miss with host Hugh Addison Walker each Wednesday at
1530-1600 (three-thirty till four).

Leo: The fire inside you cannot be sated! If you don’t get your bloodlust under wraps soon, you’ll leave a trail of bodies in your wake! It could be bloody, it could be just lusty; to cathartically release your energies listen to Punk Ass Queers, with host Quinn McGlade-Ferentzy, Thursday mornings from 9 to 9:30.

Virgo: How boring! You’ve done it all, Virgo. There is no mountain left to climb, no ocean left to swim, no artistic pursuit left unexpressed. The best you can hope for is to die, curled up in a ball, arrogant in your victory.

Or, you could listen to Choose Your Own Adventure, with Emily Minthorn and Chris Lawson, on Monday nights 9 until 10, where the adventure is in your imagination!

Libra: You think you’ve been keeping secrets, but in fact your life is an open book. Just assume everyone around you knows all the stuff you’d prefer they didn’t. Relax, Libra, you have nothing to hide! Relax and listen to Hey Kids, Comics!, with host Dan Collins, and think about comic books instead every Saturday from 8p.m. until 9p.m.

Scorpio: Life is an ocean of mystery. Plunge deep. Plunge deep. Listen to Trans-Canada Radio, with Emily Smith and Aiden McRae, every Tuesday morning from 10 until 11.

Sagittarius: Admire the cows in the field, Sagittarius. And if you live nowhere where cows live, admire pedestrians instead, and imagine cow heads upon them. This may be in line with the programme Twisty Tales Feeble Fables  with Marty Cleary and John Whelan, each Wednesday 1p.m. until 1:30p.m.

Capricorn: Sometimes it feels like a sea-goat can’t get a break. Life has been hard on you lately, Capricorn. You need help to solve the problems in your life. If they happen to be computer related, listen to The Call Centre, with host Robert Farr, on Thursdays from 4p.m. until 5p.m.

Trent Radio has divined your life well!

About James Kerr 46 Articles
Sometime in the 1980s young James Kerr placed a peanut butter sandwich in his parent's VCR and was transported to a magical world where he was taught by long-dead ghost druids the secrets of community and radio waves. Returning to this world he became an arcade champ, dungeon master, and perhaps most relevantly the Programme Director of Trent Radio 92.7 fm. His parents had to clean the peanut butter out of the VCR.