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Valentine's Day: Know Your Lover's Love Languages

Written by
Tasha Falconer
February 10, 2019
Valentine's Day: Know Your Lover's Love Languages
Photo by on Unsplash.

Valentine’s Day is coming up fast. The question of what to get your partner can be hard. One way to make it easier is to use the love languages.

Gary Chapman created the love languages in the 1990s to help couples understand how they and their partner want to be shown love. The love languages indicate how people want love expressed to them.

Figuring out your partner’s love language(s) can help you express your love in a way they would like to receive it. Check out some ideas for each of the love languages below:

Words of Affirmation

This love language means using words to build the other person up. There are many ways to build someone up with words. It can be in the little things you say everyday, or it can include a bigger gesture. For Valentine’s Day, try writing a love letter.

At a workshop hosted by You’re Welcome, erotic author, Carissa McIntyre, noted the great opportunity love letters give you to communicate your love to your partner since you do not have to come up with the perfect words on the spot. You can take the time to figure out what you want to say.

In a time where everything is online, getting a letter in person is particularly special. Love letters are often saved as sentimental keepsakes.

McIntyre stated that the best way to start is to brainstorm ideas. Think about your partner and your experiences with them, what they make you and others feel, and their characteristics.

Love letters can be erotic, loving, or both. McIntyre stresses that love letters do not need to be long and complicated; they can be simple.


Giving your partner a gift indicates that you were thinking of them. These gifts do not have to be expensive; it is the thought that counts. Gifts allow you to visually show your partner that you know and love them. Try finding a gift that would mean something to them, instead of the typical heart-shaped candy.

Acts of Service

This love language means your partner will appreciate it when you do something for them that you would not normally do. This is a way of taking care of your partners needs. There are many things that you can do to help your partner out. Helping your partner can include doing household activities, such as dishes, cleaning, or running errands. Giving your partner a foot rub or massage after a hard day might be exactly what they need. Figure out what you partner needs and see what you can do to help them with it.

Quality Time

Spending time with your partner may seem obvious, but quality time is about more than sitting together doing your own thing. Quality time means giving your partner your undivided attention and talking and listening to each other. You can vary the setting -- try sitting in a coffee shop, or, on warmer days, going for a walk. For those who prefer the love language of quality time, carving out time in your busy schedule to talk with them without multitasking is a great way to show your love.

Physical Touch

Physical touch includes all levels of touch, from holding hands to sexual intercourse. Valentine’s Day may be a time to try something new in the bedroom. Ask your partner about their fantasies and see if you would be interested in making their fantasies a reality.

For someone who enjoys touch, a lap dance can be a great way to tease. At a workshop hosted by You’re Welcome, Brie Beukeboom discussed her top tips for giving a lap dance, including ensuring that you fully commit to the acts you perform. Beukeboom noted the importance of going slow and softly touching your partner. Keeping eye contact with your partner can be really sexy, but you also have to be aware of your facial expression. Try looking at your partner with soft, loving looks. Beukeboom suggested that you choose your song carefully. Dancing to a song that you know is a lot easier than dancing to a song you do not know.

Instead of following the typical Valentine’s Day requirements, try showing your love in the way your partner would appreciate most.

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