Aries

‍Arson. Not really dropped out insofar that it’s pending litigation. They had it coming for all that two-factor authentication baloney. 

Taurus

‍You dropped out because the campus café stopped carrying your favourite muffin. But let’s be honest: you were always one poorly made latte way from emotional collapse. You craved stability and carbs, but November handed you deadlines and despair. You’re now living your best life wrapped in a blanket, calling your burnout a “soft era”. 

Gemini

‍Your class schedule didn’t fit your lifestyle. Over halfway through the term and the routine just wasn’t sticking–you didn't have enough time to party, let alone do schoolwork. Don’t be too hard on yourself, a Friday evening class with mandatory attendance would destroy even the most dedicated student. Sit the semester out and see how you’re feeling in January. 

Cancer

‍You saw your ex-situationship on campus one too many times. You just couldn’t escape them, they were everywhere: in lectures for your shared program, waiting at the bus loop, crossing the bridge, even waiting in line at your college dining hall. Your response of abandoning your degree, friend group, and goals in life was completely rational and definitely not a sign of deeper issues. Better luck with your next endeavour, you surely won’t find any failed “relationships” anywhere else.

Leo

‍You didn't drop out, as the lion does not care for academics. The university just couldn't survive your main-character energy without combusting. 

Virgo

‍Your imposter syndrome finally got the best of you. Despite your above average grades and commendable work ethic, you obviously had no future in academia. You could never be the perfect student, so what’s the point of being a student at all? You are destined for listlessness and self-induced misery.

Libra

‍You realized that the major you chose at seventeen no longer suited your interests. With no backup plan in sight, you decided to leave your fate up to the cosmos–as in filling a dart board with fifteen of your biggest passions, tossing a dart with your eyes closed, and applying to the top schools for that program. Enjoy the next few months of self-pity before your inbox is flooded with acceptance emails.

Scorpio

‍You dropped out because you realized that you’re an alpha and you don’t need to listen to some frail academic who drives a Prius. You’ve gathered a pack and are at this very moment reading this newspaper in between ferocious Lupine sex. Perhaps with a beautiful beta laying on your chest. Also you’re gay.

Sagittarius

‍You dropped out because you “found yourself” – specifically in another city, mid-bender, explaining astrology to strangers. You claim you “outgrew” the education system, but really, you forgot to submit half your coursework. November finds you high on freedom and existential dread, writing poetry about capitalism in a hostel bathroom. Classic. Never change, you bisexual philosopher. 

Capricorn

‍You dropped out because Trent’s too woke, and you’re too gruff and cool. You’ve dropped out to create your own Freedom Convoy, except all this one does is disappoint your parents and smell like Marlboros. 

Aquarius

‍You dropped out because the education system “didn't align with your consciousness.” Translation: you forgot to hand in three essays because you were too busy analyzing your crush’s birthday chart. You’ve started calling yourself a “freethinker,” which is code for “I live on vibeees and delusion.” You’ll be fine – you’re too weird to fail conventionally. 

Pisces‍

You “dropped” into the Otonabee and grew gills. You’re a fish now. Glub glub. Let us know if you find a headless corpse down there.